last night, a group of 5 ladies (myself included) sat around a wooden table and talked about our wedding cakes. i don’t care who you are, once you get married, you’ll want to talk about the details of your own wedding at some point. even though it’s boring as heck.
my cake? i'm glad you asked. we bought it from publix, a local grocery store, and stuck flowers in it. cheap. pretty. classic (in the original sense of the word). if ya’ll didn’t know, classic is now a cool word that people use to describe anything they find to be especially hip. that’s right, i said hip. my best friend uses this word all the time.
well, one girl was talking last night about her sister’s cake that had stair cases. stair cases. she yearned to have a barbie doll present with her as a little girl admiring such a thing, so that the barbie could explore the wedding cake like she would dream house. a cake that needs to be explored? this is a wedding people, not a children’s television show!
another girl told me that her parent’s had a wedding cake made by wal-mart. “wal-mart makes wedding cakes?” i asked. she was all, “oh my gosh, yes!” i was all, “woa.” lesson learned, right? wal-mart does everthing. what was i thinking? then she was like, “you know, those fountain wedding cakes? with the real fountain?” i was all, “what in the world are you talking about?!” the 3 other ladies joined me in awe. said girl smacked the table in a fury of shock.
i simply didn’t believe her. well, i was wrong. they made them 30+ years ago, and they still make them today. and with lights-i almost forgot that detail.
look, i'm partly here because i care. but i'm mostly here to make you smarter. you can learn a few things from me. if you learn nothing from me, learn this: don’t have a fountain wedding cake. you would always, always regret it. if you’re reading this and you’ve had a fountain cake, and didn’t regret it, convince me.
just convince me that i'm wrong.